And Then There Were Two
by IssaLee
Summary: Minako and Serena plan to eradicate boys in general from their minds...and it all just goes downhill from there. Everyone is slightly OOC, but it's all good.
1. Prologue

Hi. (Shuffles feet) Well. Time has flown by hasn't it? Um…here are the reasons (pick one) as to why I haven't updated on Wish Upon a Goddess in like, three months, and why I'm doing this.

1)I temporarily became obsessed with Harry Potter fics and Draco/Ginny pairings.

2)I'm a lazy arse.

3)Writer's block?

4)But Harry Potter has like—MAGIC! And WANDS! And DRACO! 

5)Yes, Sailor Moon has Darien, but don't tell me Daniel Radcliffe doesn't look like Darien's real life counterpart. 

6)I've been really, really pickled off Mountain Dew and Ginger Ale all the beginning of summer.

7)…I'll tell you when I think of it.

Disclaimer: I disclaim.

* * *

**barbie and ken**

**issalee

* * *

**"I say—we kill him."

"No!"

"Yes. You're too good to him."

"GOOD TO HIM!"

"Ok, so maybe it's just that you've somehow managed to keep enough patience to not totally bite off his head, but you did gnaw on it once."

"That was an incident we were supposed to forget."

Minako peered over her sunglasses at Serena, who was perched at the other end of her dining room table. Minako was letting her chin rest on her hands, and Serena had her head buried in her arms.

"Serena, lighten up. I forgot it, ok? But seriously, you've got to do something. Dare-bear there is not going to be a teddy bear for much longer."

"Dare-bear?"

"It fits him." Minako waved an airy hand. "Besides, when he gets grizzly on you, you, you know how upset you get! And then the next day your eyes are all puffy and your nose is red and you've got splotches of pink on your cheek and—"

"Stop!" Serena raised a hand, her head following soon after. "I didn't want to know I looked that ugly, jeez."

Minako sighed and stood. "The point being, Sere, is that you can't let him get to you any longer. From what I've heard from Rei, he went too far yesterday."

At Serena's glossy-eyed look, Minako tapped the table lightly. "Have we forgotten the incidents of yesterday already?"

Serena remembered perfectly.

"Barbie and Ken are splitting up!" Serena pointed to the newspaper lying in front of her.

"You can read, Odango Atama?" She ignored the raven-haired young man in the booth next to her who had said this and leaned towards Rei Hino, who was sitting across from her and idly twirling a key chain between her fingers. Serena jabbed at the paper.

"They've been going out for forty-odd years now, it says! This is a disaster! The world is coming to an end when a relationship so perfect crumbles!"

Rei looked at her oddly. "They were dolls, Odango. Don't you have anything better do?"

Serena sat back on her haunches and pouted. "But Rei-chan, can you see it? Barbie was eyeing Blaine, that Aussie boogie-boarder, for days!"

"Well, maybe if Barbie had had the sense to snag Ken in marriage, they wouldn't want to go through with a divorce and instead they would have had private affairs." The male spoke again, and Serena turned to him, fuming.

"Shut you mouth, Shields! They didn't get married because—because—"

"What, Odango? They were saving up money?" Darien Shields replied with ease. "They both had almost every career in the world, you can't tell me that they weren't eligible."

Frustrated, Serena turned back to Rei, who as stifling a laugh. Her sleeveless black gloves were hanging from her belt, and the red shirt she was wearing seemed to stand out against the white of the booth. Serena glared.

"Rei! You can't laugh at his jokes! That's _treason_!"

"Such big words, Odango." Darien ducked as a plate of fries flew past his head. Serena stood on her chair, fuming. "Can't you go bother anyone else, Shields?"

"Nope!" He replied blithely. Serena dumped the contents of her milkshake all over his perfectly ruffled locks and sat back down, in front of a now shocked Rei.

"Now, Rei, is there anything you have to say on the subject—" She stopped as something cool and wet slid all over her hair and down her shoulders. Serena looked up, straight into Darien's eyes. He smiled down at her.

"There! Even now!"

Now in total astonishment, Serena looked back down at Rei. The black-haired girl had a quirky grin on her lips. "Yeah, Serena, I have something to say. When are you and Darien going to get married? I'm not waiting forty years.

Then she stood and left, laughing.

"I have no recollection of anything happening yesterday," the odangoed blond answered innocently. Minako rolled her eyes.

"The point being, Sere, is that we have to get back at him. And we have to make it hurt."

Serena's head drooped. "Fine. So what do you suggest we do?"

Minako smiled. "We strike and make it hurt." Serena nodded silently, and after a moment, Minako peered curiously at her cousin.

"By the way, Sere, between Barbie and Ken, who gets the Dream House?"


	2. The First Mistake

Thanks ages for everyone who reviewed.   
Disclaimer: I'll own Sailor Moon when I rule the world, which is an approximately…three…two…one…oh, hold on, my math was off. Thirty years, then.

* * *

**they plot in groups**

**issalee

* * *

**Serena tugged irately at a lock of her golden hair and sucked on the end of a pen. Behind her was a mountain of crumpled up paper, and in front of her was a nice, blank piece of paper that she was currently thinking homicidal things about. Wires from the headphones fitted on her head were connected to the CD player in her lap.

_I'm on fire, and now I think I'm ready to bust a move _

_Check it out I'm rocking steady to the beat in my head that goes_

_Oh, oh oo oh_

_I know that she's the only one_

_I'd rather waste our time together_

_Yea, 'cause we can get down_

She wondered vaguely why she had let Rei make a mix CD for her, seeing as it consisted of such songs as "I'm Gonna Burn This City" and (a jibe she truly didn't appreciate) the song she was listening to now, "The Future Freaks Me Out".

She didn't think she would be a bad ruler…

But no. Serena shook her head. She had to concentrate…Minako had managed to convince the other girls that this was a cause worth fighting, especially seeing as it concerned retribution against Darien and his friends.

_Stupid, stupid, Darien and his stupid, stupid friends that must die._

Serena's eyebrows shot up, and a smile made its way across her face. With a barely audible "Yes!" she began to scribble wildly across the paper.

* * *

"Artemis! This is for the good of the senshi!" Minako sat on her bed, one leg curled under the other as she attempted to fit into the Lotus Pose. Artemis, her white cat, jumped on the bed and curled up next to her. 

"Mina, no. Senshi powers are for senshi business only!" He spoke, and Minako cracked open an eye.

"But Artemis, this _is_ senshi business. Darien and his friends have put our morale at such an all time low that we just _can't_ fight! If we could just teach them a lesson—just this once, please?"

Artemis sighed. "Alright, Mina, but only if it really is senshi business. What are you planning on doing anyway?" Minako carefully lifted a leg up and turned around very, very slowly; until she had a leg against the wall and was letting her head hang over the edge of the bed.

"Actually, I let Sere do the planning, seeing as she was closer to one of the Inner Members of the Circle of Evil. IMCE, for short."

Artemis raised a furry eyebrow. "You mean Justin? But he's your cousin too, Minako! Wouldn't you be close to him also?" The blonde shrugged.

"Sere knew him way before we met up. Besides, he trust her more than he trusts me, and why, I have no idea." Artemis muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "I could give you a few reasons" just as the phone rang.

Minako jumped, and in doing so fell off the bed with a crash. "Oh, holy—ARTEMIS! YOUR STUPID LITTER BOX IS JAMMED INTO MY BACK?"

The cat licked a paw as he surveyed his owner trying to get out of the mess of sand. "You know, I always said you would find a better use for it someday, and there you are, you've proved me right."

Minako glared at him before reaching over and picking up the phone. "What?" she said irritably.

"MINA-CHAN! I'VE GOT IT, I'LLBEOVERINTENMINUTES!" Then the dial tone picked up. Artemis, who had heard the entire exchange, looked warily at his charge.

"And what, may I ask, was that supposed to mean?" Minako's face was a little slack, but a grin split it suddenly.

"It means she's got it figured out, and in only a day too! Rei bet it would take a week! I've got to call the girls!" And she began dialing frantically. Artemis stared for a good, long moment before he resumed preening himself.

"Thank the Gods I decided to become a cat. Much more sane…" He let out a yowl as a pillow hit him squarely in the face.

* * *

Serena burst through the door, and waved to her aunt, who was sitting in the living room. "HiAuntMisakoI'mInMina'sRoomBye!" And she rushed up the stairs. Mrs. Aino didn't blink. 

After all, when the same blur (usually followed by at least four or five others) runs into your house daily, you kind of get used to the speed talking.

Serena almost ran into the door, remembering only at the last second to twist the knob open, and even then she tripped over something (a litter box?) as she entered and ended up sprawled on top of Makoto. She offered a sheepish child and held up the wrinkled paper.

"I have the plan." Rei leaned down and plucked it from her hand, sneering slightly. "Odango, please try to stay upright for the merest of moments, ok?"

Serena knows she's kidding and lets it go. "The thing is, we're going to stage war on these guys. A Prank War. They'll pay!"

"They'll prank back," Ami, from her position on the bed said reasonably. "They'll just keep on retaliating, Serena, until they have what they want. Which is our submission."

Serena sat up excitedly, almost forgetting that she was crushing Makoto's chest. "Yeah, but that's the thing! They always accept challenges—always! So we challenge them to a prank war—boys against girls, no outside help—and people are dropped according to how hard they get pranked!"

There was silence for a moment, before Rei sat down on the floor and scanned the paper. She looked up at Serena and the odangoed blond thought that for a moment she could see something besides contempt shine in the miko's eyes, but she supposes it must have just been the way the pupils looked against the dark mascara as Rei is talking again.

"Surprising, Odango. You've actually figured it all out. And if they accept, maybe we can finally be rid of these annoyances."

"You only say that because you love Justin and you can't get over the fact that you love an immature person." Minako lounged on the office chair next to her computer. "And don't you dare snap at me, I don't need it. My back hurts like heck now."

Rei kept her mouth shut, if only because she didn't want to lose control. Mako slid away from Serena and pried the paper from Rei's hands. She reads it and her eyebrows go up. "Wow, Sere, this is really good! I'm proud of you, girl, soon it'll be Ami asking you for questions!"

Serena blushes then and buries her head in her arms. "Oh, please, I'm just trying to get rid of that annoying baka. He's got no reason to always come in and tease me—" And her head rises, and there's such cold fury in her eyes that even Rei is a little disconcerted. Minako attempts to change the subject.

"Artemis says we can use our powers! He just went off to find Luna, but this means that we can really get the guys!" Serena's face brightens.

"This is great! When are we challenging them?" Minako's eyes shine bright as she hops off the chair, bringing a notepad and pen with her. The girls crowd around.

"We're challenging them tomorrow, at the Crown. They were all in detention the other day except for Darien because they tied that banner that said 'For Sale' to the top of the school. But they'll be here today."

"Let's pick targets." Rei said. "I get Justin." Minako tapped her chin with the pen. "Do you have enough information on him, Rei-chan?"

The miko pushes her hair out of her eyes and sits on her haunches. "Let's see—Justin Kent. He used to live in America but because his mom is Japanese and yours and Odango's mother's sister, he moved back here. He has blond hair and blue eyes, is one year away from college, is a terrible prankster and a flirt, and he is deathly afraid of frogs."

Minako wrote their names down. "Good. Ami? Whom will you get?" the blue haired genius blushed lightly as she answered.

"I think Zach. He has light blond hair that goes down to his back and he always ties it in a ponytail, and he has green eyes. He's very smart, and he always tries to outdo everyone. He's two years away from graduating, so yes, I think that Zachary Lee is the one I'll take."

Mako doesn't wait for Minako to finish. "I've got Nathaniel Adams. He's two years away from graduating, and he has brown hair down to his back that he leaves down, only tying it when he's working on something. He has awards in nearly every sport, and he knows almost every martial art or part of swordplay there is. He has hazel eyes."

Serena watched her friends and wonders for just a moment if maybe they're going about this the wrong way, and that maybe they should just ignore the guys. But then they all look at her, and she feels that boiling in her veins that she was confused about at first but has now decided to call dislike (she could never hate anyone).

"I've got Shields. You all know why." Minako scribbles in the pad and looks up, eyes still twinkling. Everything is a game to her, her friends think. But she knows better…

"Which means I have Keith Daniels. He's got white hair down to his back, and he says it's from dieing it too many times. He's closer to Darien than most of them, and he's very serious, and pompous, and a perfectionist. He has gray eyes, and he never smiles or laughs. Eerie," she adds, almost as an afterthought.

"Why are you girls so adamant against these boys?" Luna is sitting on the windowsill, her tail flicking as Artemis climbs up next to her. Serena answers for them all.

"We all get this feeling, like we won't be content just knowing them. So it's better if we're against them. Everything's much less complicated; it's like choosing whether or not to take eight grade math in the seventh grade."

Luna shook her head. "And yet if you took eight grade math you'd turn out much smarter in the end, and probably happier despite the toughness."

The girls are quiet, but then Mrs. Aino comes up with some food and they have something else to think about. Luna looks out the window and wonders if the world is going to be right again anytime soon.

* * *


	3. The Second Mistake

IssaLee: Muchos excitemundos, mine pallys. My friends Eelie and Nikki-chan are back, which means all my fics will go crazy. Thanks V.V. much for all the perfect reviews!

**Eelie: Yes, very much. And to that reviewer who said that Draco/Ginny pairings are crazy, well, it's her own opinion! And mine too. **

_Nikki-chan: Yes, and we all just happen to love Harry/Hermione and Ron/Luna. Not everything has to go in canon, you know. It's more fun that way._

Disclaimer: Well…I disclaim, I guess.

* * *

**the challenge**

**issalee

* * *

**Serena sipped absently at her milkshake, pretending to ignore the boy looking intensely at her and Rei, who was idly twirling a lock of hair around her finger. Makoto was trying to stifle a laugh as she, Minako and Ami crouched under the booth, hidden by Serena and Rei's bags.

Minako had explained that it was essential that only the ones that had been antagonized the most should announce the whole thing, so that it wouldn't seem like the plot had been carefully orchestrated; which it had.

Serena watched as Rei stiffened and heard footsteps. A shadow loomed over her, and she bristled until she heard the voice.

"Ohayo, Sere. Rei. What's up?" Justin smiled down at them, his blue eyes glittering mischievously. Rei scowled, but Minako kicked her under the table and she tried to change it quickly to a smile.

Serena choked on her milkshake.

Justin eyed her oddly as she scrambled for napkins, and looked to Rei. "Not doing much burning today, Pyro. Would you like some matches?"

Rei mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Yeah, to torch you" but she let out a muted grunt as someone hit her in the shin again. "No thanks." She gritted out. Serena's face turned a bright shade of red, but she passed off her laughter as a coughing fit.

She and probably only she could tell that Rei was probably dying inside from having to speak to Justin. To save her friend anymore embarrassment, she smiled shyly at her cousin. "Justin, could you please not tease Rei? She and I are here to proposition you."

"Ooh, big word, Sere." He teased. "But what's this about?" The odangoed blonde shook her head. "Oh, no, we're not talking until you and all your pals are here. So call them over from behind outside where they are with the water balloons so we can start."

Justin, stunned, obeyed. Serena grinned and thanked Sailor Mercury's computer mentally. "Part One's going by very well. You guys can pop up now."

Minako appeared first; ignoring the mutinous glares was sending her way, followed closely by Ami and Makoto.

"You kick me again," Rei hissed, "And you may just find your leg to be nothing but ashes." Minako shrugged.

"I know that's what you really want to say to Justin," she teased lightly. "Maybe I should tell Auntie Kayao. She'd sure want to know if there was a girl Justin was interested in…"

Minako let out a squeal of unsuppressed horror as Rei snapped and lunged for her across the table, knocking Serena's milkshake over as she did so. Patrons of the arcade didn't even look over; skirmishes between Minako and Rei were just as common as between Serena and Darien or Rei and Justin.

Minako ducked and let out a shriek as waves of milky liquid fell onto her head from the cup. Makoto leapt up to try and restrain Rei, but lost her footing and fell onto the table. Ami (she had planned this all out) ducked under the table and crawled out, then situated herself across the room in another booth and watched closely lest someone get hurt.

Serena blinked in surprise before she looked at the seething Rei, fists clenched. The blond stood up and laid a hand on one of the fists. "Hey. You spilled my milkshake." Rei looked at her in shock, before another expression washed over her face.

Amusement.

She let out a derisive snort, about to make some scathing comment maybe, before she started giggling helplessly, but attempted to stop it. Then, from under the table, there came a quiet voice.

"Do you guys think I could find a shampoo that smells just like this shake?" Rei burst into laughter, as did Serena and Makoto, who had managed to remove herself from the table, although her shirt was sticky all down the front. Minako emerged from under the counter, smiling sheepishly, and Ami couldn't keep a small smile off her face.

So when Justin walked in, four other guys behind them, that's how they found the girls. Doubled over in laughter and with tears streaming down their eyes, although most of them were covered in sticky pink goo.

"Kami, Odango," Darien said, taking in the scene. "You can't tell me that you're that much of a messy eater." Oddly enough, this made Serena burst into even more laughter. He looked at her weirdly and walked over, then placed a hand on her forehead.

"Are you feeling ok, Odango?" Serena shivered, all of the hilarity of the situation forgotten. This was probably the first time Darien had touched her in any way other than when he was blocking her attacks. It was reminiscent of something—someone.

Her mind drifted to someone with a mask, and a deep velvety mask, and a cape that she felt could wrap her up and keep her safe for all eternity. But then Darien's hand was gone and she managed to shake her head and straighten up.

"No," she gasped. "We're fine, Shields. No need to get so worried about me." She batted her eyelashes outrageously and Darien stopped, shocked into silence. This proved too much for the girls, who all were now unable to breath and clutching at her stomachs.

Darien colored, something Serena had never seen him do, until Keith stepped up. The older boy looked Serena over, a hint of a smile in his eyes, but nothing on his face. "I heard Justin say quite clearly that there were only two of you here."

There were only a few people who knew about Serena's middle name, Usagi. It had become a sort of running joke between the girls, and anything reminiscent of rabbits had something to do with it. So when Minako clapped her hand on her cousin's back and said quite loudly, "Well, you know how certain species enjoy multiplying." It was a wonder none of them keeled over and died from lack of air.

Keith had cocked an eyebrow in an imitation of Darien (the black-haired boy had socked him for it) and said in a clear, crisp tone. "Well, Serena, how do you _feel_ about this?"

Tears still brimming at the corner of her eyes, the blond stood and shook her head. "Stop that, you guys. This is getting to be a nuisance. We're here to have a Council of War and if we can't stop laughing then how are we supposed to be doing anything?"

Nathaniel Adams slid smoothly up to the booth and leaned over, to inspect the stuff in Minako's hair. "Gods, Aino, is that strawberry milkshake I smell?"

Minako stuck her tongue out at him. "Go and find something to kill, Adams. I'm sure you'll enjoy exercising exactly what you know on those poor, defenseless animals your little sisters keep."

"Ah, Nat, leave them alone." The final boy, Zachary Lee, stepped up and sat across from Ami, who blushed considerably. "Howsabout we just get this whole thing over with. What exactly are you planning on doing?"

"We would like to challenge you to a war of sorts," Minako said, trying her best to look regal. (Which wasn't easy when you were also trying to pick strawberry milkshake from your eyes and ears.)

Darien waggled his eyebrows. "And what would you little girls know about councils of war?" It was a big mistake.

If there was one thing Minako and Serena (as did the other girls, but not so much as these two) hated, it was a guy who thought he was better than a girl, especially seeing as they were sailor senshi, damnit! They could blast these two boys to oblivion right now.

"Take that back, Shields." Serena said, her voice low. Keith sighed.

"He didn't mean anything by it, Serena, it's just hard to imagine you and say, Aino-san as people who could actually do much besides giggle and gossip about boys."

"Boys like us," Justin added in a whisper, but only the boys caught it, and they all grew smiles (save for Keith, who merely let his lips twitch).

"We do not!" said Minako hotly. "We probably could spend ages without even talking about guys! It's not like it would be hard, especially if we imagined every guy to be one of you two!"

"Oh, that hurt Aino-san." Darien clutched at his chest, where his heart was. "Right here. Besides, I bet you you guys couldn't last a whole school year without dating, talking, hitting on or flirting about or to any guy for the rest of this school year."

"And we take that bet!" Minako said angrily. "I can't stand to be here with you guys! Urgh!" And she stalked out. Serena stood still for a moment.

"I take the bet too." She said quietly, all of her usually bouncy self faded. But her eyes suddenly glimmered with something. "And while they explain to you about our Prank War, I'm going to make sure I don't have to clean up a mess outside of Aunt Misayo's house tomorrow."

She left the girls to it, following her cousin outside. Minako was standing by a tree across the street, looking miserable. Serena quickly crossed the street, ignoring the red buckets filled with water balloons on either side of the store, and grabbed onto her cousin's arm.

"Mina-chan, you do realize that we've just about given up any hope of finding boyfriends this year?" Minako shook her head.

"Oh, I know. Can you see it? The Goddess of Love, without any love. This is just great." Serena, sensing her friend's sadness, wrapped an arm around Minako's shoulders.

"Listen, Mina-chan, we'll make it like a club, and others can join if they want. We'll call it—Blondes Against Boys! Come on, Mina-chan, we've managed to have fun so far this year, let's keep it this way."

"Yeah." Minako said quietly. "Yeah, sure." She looked up quite suddenly and smiled at her cousin. "Thanks, Serena. I don't know how I could do any of this without you. The sailor senshi don't know how they could do any of this without you. You're awesome!"

Minako hugged her, and Serena, smiling happily, pulled on her arm gently. "Now, Mina-chan, we're going to the salon. You have to get all of that gunk out of your hair!" The two giggled and moved on down the road.

* * *

Inside the arcade, Darien surveyed the three girls in front of him. Ami had just finished outlining the basic plan for them. "This isn't a joke?" 

"Not at all." Rei said, eyes blazing. "You win, you can do whatever you want with us. If we win, then you have to leave us alone. And we're oh so certain we'll win."

There was silence, before Justin spoke up. "Any rules?"

Makoto nodded. "Yeah. We've already chosen targets—Ami-chan will give you a list—and those are the only people you can go after. You can help your friends, but unless you thought up the plan and executed most of it and are there, it doesn't count."

"How do we know what pranks count as enough to take a person out?" Zach asked, intrigued. Ami reached into one of the bags by the booth and came up with a piece of paper.

"We've come up with a list of words or phrases _you_ have to say if you've had enough, a different one for each of you. They are things you would otherwise never say and I daresay, quite—" she paused, blushing a little. "Quite hilarious. You are to think up your own and then hand them in to one of us on Monday."

Nathaniel took the list, and instantly, his face colored. "Holy—I'm not saying that!" But then he scanned the rest of the list, and a snort of laughter escaped him. "But I would like to see _them _say _this_."

The boys crowded around, reading the list with mixed expressions of glee and horror. Shaking her head, Makoto slung her rucksack over her shoulder.

"So do you accept?"

There was no hesitation. They all nodded, and with satisfied smiles, the girls walked out. Rei lingered behind slightly, and caught Justin's eye. She gave him a wicked grin, and said loudly enough for them all to hear:

"Let the games begin."

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End file.
